this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
