That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
