dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
