you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
