I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
