i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You can't motorboat a personality
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
