party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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