I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
