Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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