Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
