so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
