phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
