I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
