And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
