I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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