i may or may not be watching the land before time
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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