Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
