Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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