definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You ruined the universe
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
