Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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