I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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