I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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