I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
