Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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