Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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