Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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