Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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