Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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