Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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