Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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