dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Holy sore nipples Batman
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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