Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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