He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
soo... how was my night?
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