Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
