I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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