if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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