She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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