I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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