The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
