It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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