you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
