Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
