Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
