Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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