Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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