I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
