when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
