history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
