So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
