he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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