Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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