wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i would punch a child for taco bell
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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