my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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