If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
