i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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