I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
