i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
