I'm really into asian looking animals
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
