I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
