I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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