I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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