One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
