she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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