they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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