I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
