I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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