She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
