her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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