it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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