I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
