May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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