so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
